Number Twenty Five.

I’ve wanted to write this for quite some time.

But I hadn’t seen the light at the end of the tunnel and I wasn’t ready to write it.

Now is when I want to reflect on the past year. Everyone said, “Your first year of marriage is going to be the hardest.” And you know what? They were right. But I don’t think it was the hardest for the same reasons as they were referring to. Of course we were adjusting to living with each other and being husband and wife, but the hard part came when he left. I remember driving him to the airport and walking him inside. He had his plain black shirt on, freshly cut hair, jeans, tennis shoes, and a back pack full of all the things he’d need for the next four months. I hugged him hard and choked back all the tears inside me to show him what a strong woman he married. I remember him grabbing my face and telling me he’d call me as soon as he could to give me his address that would serve as our only form of communication for two months. I believed him. I then gave him a kiss and one last hug then turned around and walked away. I walked faster and faster without looking back. Tears began to fall as I pushed my hat down to cover the stream of salty tears falling from my eyes. My heart hurt in a way I didn’t recognize and my world seemed to be crashing down. My friend, Morgan, let me pick her up in Provo and kept me company as we drove back home to St. George. I couldn’t even say his name without losing it. About 7pm I got a phone call from him that went something like this:

“Hi Alexa. Here’s my address. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready”

“Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah, did you get that?”

“Yeah I think so.”

“Okay, bye. I love you”

“I love you”

Then he hung up. He sounded like a heartless robot. He was reading a paper and wasn’t allowed to say anything else.

Two weeks went by before I got my first letter. I wrote Garret every day that he was gone. I didn’t miss a single day and often wrote two to three times. Our letters were everything. I’ll cherish and keep them forever.

Throughout those two months, I smiled and kept it together. I went to school, I worked, I went to the gym, etc. I did it all with a smile on my face and hope in my heart that the light would come and we would be together again. I had only been married 7-8 months before he left and it was without a doubt the hardest thing I had done. I was alone day in and day out missing my sweetheart relying on letters to carry me through. I lost weight instantly from stress and didn’t gain a single pound of it back until we were reunited in San Antonio, Texas at his BMT graduation. I shopped and bought a new outfit for every day that I would be in Texas with him. I got my hair done, eye lashes done, and nails done before I flew out to see him with my mom. Little did I know, San Antonio is SO hot and SO humid. My hair became a frizzzz ball, my eyelashes went crazy from the humidity, and well… at least my nails looked good. My clothes were damp from sweat though, yum right? But we locked eyes during the coin ceremony and I was crying the whole time while attempting to take pictures. He secretly smiled at me during the ceremony! (He could have been in SO much trouble if someone caught him smiling at me!) It was so cute. When they let me go out on the pad and get him, (I was only to give him a 3 second hug so he could maintain his military bearing) I grabbed him and held on tight and I think I went over my 3 second limit. I wasn’t counting and definitely didn’t care. Frizzy hair and all 🙂 He told me I looked like a model. It melted my heart and somehow made the days alone worth it. Blah blah blah mush…..

We were together again.

He was the most handsome, loving, sweet airman to ever graduate from there. I’m sure of it. I left a few days later and went back to being alone. This time we got to communicate and text when he wasn’t in class or busy. It wasn’t easy, in fact maybe even harder than writing love letters back and forth, but we made it. He came home the day before Thanksgiving and we are still soaking up every day that we get to spend with one another.

I couldn’t write this while I was in the midst of being alone, because I wasn’t ready to record my feelings down about it. I was fragile and sometimes still am about it. I hold this first year of marriage dear to my heart and remember what a strong woman I am and that I can do anything I tell myself I can.

Number Twenty Four.

I’ll keep the mush to a minimum, I promise.

I’m sure many of you know, my husband joined the Air Force Reserve and is currently in BMT. Why am I going to write a post about how I feel right now is for one reason and one reason only… I miss him. Okay maybe that’s not the reason. The real reason is Garret knows how much I love to blog and write. Before he left he said, “Babe are you gonna write a blog post about me?” with one of those heart melting smiles that we alllllllll know I can’t say no to. It was pretty dang cute and I smiled and said, “You know it.” Originally, I wasn’t going to write about it but because he said that, I’m going to. He’s been gone two days and I’ve already written two letters. PUH. THET. IC. 

 

The direction I’m going with this is not how much I miss him, it’s about marriage in general. Growing up I was a total feminist without even trying to be. I didn’t need no dang man to take care of me! Watching my parents divorce twice was probably the cause of all these harsh feelings inside me. I didn’t think marriage was a wonderful thing and I thought that when husbands left town, it was a party. Well, I’m not partying. I see divorce everywhere and I hear people complain about how awful marriage is. It makes me sad because little ears are listening to those words and are subconsciously taking notes. I haven’t been married long but I’m counting my blessings. I’m happy I have someone to miss this much and when I hear people tell me marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and I’m still in the honeymoon stage, I feel like telling them that their feelings were and STILL are a choice. They are choosing to feel that way about it. Please don’t mess it up for those that are working on creating their world and future with someone because it didn’t work out for you personally. Marriage can be everything it’s cracked up to be… or even better. 

 

And the next section is for you Garret, when you can read it in a few months… I promised a blog post about you.

 

I love you and am one lucky princess. My family never knew I could be more of a princess than I was growing up. Boy were they wrong. You created a monster. I hope you always know how much I appreciate all you do for me. ESPECIALLY the late night runs to get me treats for no special occasion at all. I’m going to keep this short because I’m going to write you a letter right now 🙂 I’m missing you and it hurts but I know I’ll see you again. My goodness the hug I’ll be giving you when I see you, I can’t wait. You’re the best airman and definitely the most handsome.

 

 

-A. Brent

 

Number Twenty Three.

I have never…

-Been to Disneyland

-Been to California

-Been out of the United States with the exception of Mexico

-Been on a cruise

the list goes on…

and yesterday I got to check one off. 

 

I had never been fishing…until yesterday!

 

My family didn’t take those crazy family trips to the Bahamas or to Hawaii or anywhere really. I’m not complaining, I never felt like I missed out on anything. We took our yearly trip to Lake Powell and that was as far as I ever needed to go. Lake Powell was my heaven and always will be (nothing could possibly be more beautiful than that). We went camping when I was younger and played just about every sport as a family on weekends… I was never aware of the world outside of me… which was okay because I didn’t need anything else. I did a little traveling before I went into high school. I went on a student trip to Washington D.C. and the surrounding areas which was a dream come true, but still never compared to simple trips with my family. (I think my friend Ali and I slept on every bench in every park and museum that week anyway, I wasn’t born to be a tourist and a traveler) Then, (I think it was the summer after Sophomore year), I went to San Carlos, Mexico with Joey, Connor, Jordan, Joey’s mom and his girlfriend. I did just about everything there. I went kayaking in the middle of the ocean with wild dolphins even, but still nothing ever compared to my trips with family. AND you’d think that I’ve been fishing since Lake Powell was a yearly thing, but not so much. My cousins would fish and I’d be on the shore playing something or out with my dad wakeboarding until I couldn’t hold onto the rope any longer. (All I ever wanted to do was clear the wake so I’d stay out until I had given it my best shot). 

 

Anyway Alexa, after all that travel talk… get to the point! Point is, I went fishing yesterday and crossed it off my “I have never” list. 

Since it was the 4th of July, he wanted to take me since I had never been. I was tired from being in the parade so we drove a few minutes to a local pond and I learned how to fish and cast the line! I’m surprised that it was actually fun. I’ve never had much of a desire to fish because it seemed boring, I was wrong. There was even a turtle and it kept looking at me… it knew I was a first-timer and wanted to watch me.

 Either that or noticed that I only fished for a few minutes then gave the pole to Garret and pranced around taking pictures. I don’t have a future in fishing but I’ll go again sometime. 

 

At night we invited our families over to watch fireworks at our house. Our new place sits on a hill and overlooks the whole city. It seemed like the fireworks were right above us and that we were the only ones watching them.

See, I always knew I didn’t need to go places to see beautiful things. The most beautiful things are right at home with me.

-A.Brent

Number Twenty Two.

Inhale, exhale, repeat. That’s how I feel about the upcoming week. I’ve never moved before. Well by that I mean as a wife. My family always moved but I hardly remember even packing or moving anything… I know, my parents call me “princess” for a reason. I probably watched my family pack and move. Don’t worry, I’m not their princess anymore… I’m Garret’s and he has to deal with me. I have princess moments that often require Garret going out to get me some sort of chocolate treat at unreasonable hours of the night. Why am I talking about princesses again? Oh yeah, moving! Well we are moving in a week to a- get ready for this — two bedroom, two bathroom, washer, dryer, garage, AND dishwasher town home. I might cry with joy. I hate doing the dishes by hand. BUT I’m overwhelmed about actually packing up our entire apartment. The only moving I’ve really done is moving my room during my first two years of college from an apartment back to my parents’ house. And moving into this place was easy peezy. Garret moved in a while before we got married and we did it slowly and didn’t really have much… well a few wedding gifts later and this place is full! It’ll all be SO worth it though because we can’t wait to have more room to expand. And by expand I mean… have a room for stuff that can’t go anywhere else… I didn’t mean babies by expand 🙂

Also, I have to share pictures from yesterday. This is what our day looked like–

Garret and some of his friends rode a bike up this ramp and into the pond behind. I just watched and admired their macho-ness. The ramp was a little too tall for me to try. Normally I like to try and out-do the boys but I didn’t want to embarrass them this time 😉 Plus, I was just wandering around taking pictures of everything. Isn’t this place just dreamy?

^^He was in heaven yesterday and thought it was so cool to do these boy-ish things while impressing me. I was definitely impressed.

—>To finish up this post, I just feel like sharing our little date night the other night.

When we were 16-ish, Garret would pick me up and take me to get snow cones. It didn’t happen all that often but when it did, we’d take them to the park and eat them. We were only friends back then but I knew he loved me already. He never took any other girls to get snow cones so it’s obvious that I was his love. Anyways… we went and did the same routine snow cone/park date about a year ago and again last night. It’s just so romantic these days to do it and I can’t wait for more romantic dates at the park like this one. It’s real love when you both order flavors knowing that it’ll turn your mouth and teeth some disgusting color but do it anyways 🙂 We are hopeless romantics.

 

 

Being married is the best thing to ever happen to me. We are soaking up every minute together until he goes to basic training for the Air Force. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy, ever.

 

—A. Brent

 

 

 

Number Twenty One.

Regardless of religion, do you ever wonder… What is God trying to tell me?

I guess for me, that’s happening right now. His not so subtle hints are starting to really make me wonder. Like on The Proposal, he says to Sandra Bullock, “She’s about as subtle as a drum”. That’s my favorite line of the whole movie. Okay not really, the whole movie gives me the giggles.

But really, I don’t know what God is trying to tell me other than to love and serve everyone. Everywhere I look, go, see… something is service oriented. I’m not complaining. I happen to love service. I’m just wondering, maybe there is someone that I will serve in the future or am currently serving that is literally waiting for me.

I taught my first Relief Society Lesson a few weeks ago. Please keep in mind that I’m in the St. George first ward. The first ward people! First one in St. George ever, so imagine the age of these ladies… older than me by far. Nothing wrong with the age difference but I didn’t understand why the bishop sent me there to teach a room full of wise women. During my lesson, I understood. A lady raised her hand and told me something. She told me that God must have a plan. She wasn’t oblivious to the age difference. She said that there must be a reason that a 19 year-old girl was teaching them.

IT CLICKED.

I wasn’t called as teacher because I had something to actually teach them. I’m called as their teacher because I have something/a lot to learn.

This isn’t the only case, it’s everywhere in my life. No one is waiting to hear something from me, through my service… I’ll be the one learning from all the people I’ll be serving.

 

I’m an advocate of education. I think every man, woman, child, etc. should obtain as much education as possible. Some people may say different, but knowledge is power. As much as I say that college is overwhelming and leaves me in more tears than I can ever keep track of, I’m fully aware of the important things I’m gaining. HOWEVER, college never taught me to serve others. Or to love unconditionally. But now I’m out in the real world and I’m learning.

I know, I’m 19 and I’m STILL learning the meaning of service and love. I should go play with a child because they know the true meaning of it all.

Thanks for reading my blog. It’s basically like a journal to me.

 

–A. Brent

Number Twenty.

I feel… old.

Don’t laugh. I know I’m only nineteen, but I still feel like it! We’ve been married for a little over a month now and we enjoy it except… getting out of bed is a million times harder when you have a big teddy bear to cuddle with each morning. It makes for a rough eight o’ clock college class. But when I do sneak out of bed without waking him up, and turn around to this:

my heart melts into a big puddle and I take pictures 🙂 He’s going to be quite mad this is up. Sorry honey!

I have to admit, we don’t fit the stereotypical wife/husband scenario. You see, Garret actually does the cooking and cleaning around here. I’m a little embarrassed that I don’t do it, but he always does it before I even get home. Sometimes, he comes straight home from the gym and starts dinner on his own while I’m in bed studying. I’ll even get the occasional muscle flex while he’s making dinner while showing off MY apron.

He thinks he’s the best… which he is.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I’m so excited to spend time with him! I’ve been doing this fun, “The 14 Days of Valentine’s” which entails ME delivering HIM a different Valentine each day from the 1st to the 14th. Each gift I attached a tag to it from http://www.mommybydaycrafterbynight.com/ and put it somewhere in our apartment for him to find! One day was “love potion” and another was “crush” soda. My favorite was this:

So many fun things for the two of us to do inside together! I can’t believe tomorrow is the last day, I’m going to miss his face when he sees a new cheesy gift show up in our place somewhere.

One last thing from my mouth, I’m now a Relief Society teacher. I feel so humbled with all my inadequate knowledge in a sea of women with more wisdom than I’ll have in a lifetime. I hope I can share with them something they don’t already know. The Lord must have a plan for me.

 

Anyways, I’ve loved this wonderful time of the year. It’s been such a challenge to be married but it’s SO worth it. There’s no one else I’d rather give all my love to! Thanks Garret for being my very best friend and taking care of me.

Always smile,

A. Brent

Number Nineteen.

I always wanted a little sister.

Instead, I was the little sister in the Ford household. I have a younger brother and an older sister. I’m the middle child…oh middle children. That’s all I have to say about that.

I can’t say I’ve been the best little sister or big sister in my life. I’m just like many… enemies with my siblings when we were younger, best friends now that we’re older. I wish I could go back and change the way I treated my siser and brother when I was a young girl. Now I’m just doing the best I can to enhance these years I have with them now. I’ve got the world’s best siblings to put it simply. My sister and her husband have a relationship that I’ve always admired and used it to help me find my husband. She’s also this little 4’11 genius of a girl…so short but so dang smart! Call me bias, but I think my sister knows everything about nutrition and is the only one I listen to about it. Sorry other fitness/nutrition people! Not to mention she’s like some box of perfection when it comes to spirituality and all of the choices she makes. AND now for my brother. I hated my brother when I was young. We fought every day and I made his life miserable. Now, I just love him. He’s become one of my best friends. Sometimes I just stare at him and ponder how he got so tall, so manly, so kind, and so….hairy…that facial hair. He even has turned into an amazing dancer whom I get to share my love and passion with now. I love that boy so much. Anyways… where is this going?

As much as I love my sister and brother, I’ve recently had the opportunity to have the little sister I always wanted. About 6 months ago I joined the Big Brother Big Sister program not realizing how much I would love it. One night at Kalamity practice, a representative from the program came and talked to us about the application process and such. At first I was excited but didn’t know if I would actually apply. I went home and thought about it some more. One thing followed another and I found myself sitting in the interview. I passed…yay…and the only thing left to do was wait to be matched.

Today I am matched with a beautiful little 6 year-old girl named Aaliyah. She’s shy sometimes, but I love her. Each month we go on little dates that include bowling, movies, baking, dancing, etc. We now have a handshake and this girl lights up my life. No matter how busy school and life may seem, I always have time for Aaliyah and that smile. Being around children literally takes me away from my adult life and instantly helps me feel closer to the Lord because He loves His little children so much and His light is visible on their faces.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t know if I wanted to be matched with someone really young. Age 6 is the absolute youngest child in the program, but I can now say that it was no accident we were matched together. I’m not here to tell anyone how to live or what to do, but I suggest everyone that doesn’t have kids of their own… join the program and get to know your little brother or sister. They may just be waiting for you.

 

Always smile,

A.Brent

Number Eighteen.

Simple blessings.

 

I need to write this down and share something that happened. I don’t think I deserved it, but I have been so blessed. Oh no, a waterfall under my eyes is already in progress.

 

I’m a college student. That’s no secret. I’ve had the opportunity to go through college under a full tuition scholarship for a little under two years. It’s been amazing to have such an opportunity and requires me to take 15 credits a semester. I’ve struggled semester after semester but I’ve kept the scholarship and continued my education. I’m married now and I knew about two months ago that being married and balancing 15 credits wouldn’t be impossible, but would be difficult. I thought, prayed, pondered, and mostly stressed about the amount of credits I would register for this current semester. Of course I could do the 15, but I wasn’t going to at the expense of my role as a wife, sister, daughter, friend, etc. Education is not more important than my relationships. I made a choice. I signed up for 13 credits knowing my scholarship would be dropped. I prayed that my financial aid would cover tuition. About a week ago, I walked into the scholarship office to deliver some paperwork and was informed my scholarship will not drop until May.

 

I know that it seems as if it was all just a lack of my understanding of dropped scholarship dates, but I know in my heart it wasn’t. I was told more than once that my scholarship would drop if I enrolled in anything less than 15. It wasn’t dropped. I called the head of scholarships to make sure it wasn’t a mistake…it wasn’t.

 

My heart is full. I’m a young 19 year-old married to another young 19-year old. We couldn’t afford to pay tuition let alone books for my classes. I know that The Lord has been watching over me and helps me even when I do not always deserve it.

I’m so humbled by these past few weeks. I couldn’t feel more grateful.

 

Always smile,

A. Brent

Number Seventeen.

Here we go… another semester.

 

For some reason, this semester gives me a headache to think about. Probably because I don’t really know what will happen afterward. Do I want to continue my education at DSC? Do I want to go elsewhere and enter an ASL program? What will be best for my husband and I?  For now, I’ll stop worrying about it because I know that when it’s decision time, the right choice for US will be made.

This post isn’t going to be about college though..bleh. I wanted to document how it feels to be married. MARRIED! Sometimes my tongue doesn’t want me to say that word because I wasn’t married for well…my whole life until now 🙂 I wasn’t allowed to say husband, just boyfriend and more recently…fiance! But now I’m slowly getting acquainted with those “marriage” words.

 

Our honeymoon.

We were only there about four days but my tummy muscles hurt by day two. I’ve known Garret forever but I learn something new about him every day. He’s always made me laugh, but being with him 24/7 is a different story. Everywhere we went, we were laughing way too loud for the occasion. Somehow the four hour drive didn’t seem so long due to some sunflower seeds and Garret’s non-stop speech about how great his soda was because he just ‘must have’ been the first human to ever put vanilla in a fountain drink before. Somehow it was hilarious along with every other thing that came out of his mouth. We walked around temple square Sunday night and bascially just froze our bums off. Monday we went snowboarding at Brighton and wore our matching YOLO shirts that were given to us. This wasn’t the only occasion we matched…we were fully equipped with matching PJ’s too!! The rest of the time was spent shopping and eating at yummy restaurants. Our goal was to never eat at the same place twice and to only eat at places that we didn’t have in St. George. We were successful. I even let Garret choose just about every restaurant and he didn’t let me down!

 

I guess our honeymoon was very simple. One day of snowboarding and the rest filled with running around Salt Lake hand in hand having fun together. I always envisioned honeymoons different. I imagined some great cruise or some fabulous vacation. Mine was better than that. Mine was perfect. We may be 19 but we have more fun than I could have ever imagined.

 

Now we are home and nothing has changed. Our apartment is just right. It’s small and cozy and the most organized space ever! Who knew Garret is such a neat freak! But I must say, I love it. And I’m doing just fine with this whole wife thing. I cleaned and did laundry and last night I cooked my first dinner ever. I know, I’m 19 and never cooked a full-on meal alone. I did last night and Garret ate it and didn’t complain. I don’t know if it was good or he was just nice. Either way, I love this whole married thing. It really is the best.

Sorry to be mushy, but this is where my life is at right now and I love documenting my happiness and blessings.

2013, here we come.

 

Always smile,

–A.Brent

Number Sixteen.

OH MY GOODNESS!

I’m getting married in two weeks from today? WHAT??!?!? This day was hundreds of days away yesterday! Sorry that I’m mushy but I’m marrying my middle school crush in 14 short days! Plus, finals are over, Christmas is almost here, my wedding is four days later, honeymoon, AND New Year’s! Hello being busy right?

Our little apartment is coming together quite nicely and I’m just skipping and ignoring the fact that I’ll have to actually cook meals every night soon. I don’t know how to cook at all. Hopefully Garret will just eat the things I burn and mess up for the first few couple of weeks. Knowing him, he won’t even tell me how awful it tastes.

Now to what is REALLY on my mind…

Lately, I’ve put a lot of thought into marriage, relationships, friendships, etc. I think about the successful ones and the not-so-successful ones. Not only do I want my marriage to be happy and successful, but I want all my relationships to be.

This isn’t all new news to me. Divorce rates are soaring and people seem to leave and enter friendships every day like it’s “no big deal”. I don’t want that for my family or the friendships that I have. I keep thinking to myself, what are the things that keep it alive? My head started racing with ideas. A long mental list started to form. But then I stopped and realized it’s just a few simple things. The Lord, love, forgiveness, and patience. If we all strived to keep The Lord the center of it all NO MATTER RELIGION, love those people (every single thing about them), forgive those that wrong us, and be patient with it all… we wouldn’t have a divorce rate, we wouldn’t have single mothers, we wouldn’t have war, we wouldn’t have hunger, we wouldn’t have ex-best friends, we wouldn’t have anything but our successful relationships.

My heart hurts when I begin to think of the friends that I have lost or the ones that I simply drifted apart from.

There is no better time like the present to start nurturing my relationships better. It’s a perfect time to forgive and love endlessly. It’s a good time to get closer to my Savior. It’s a perfect time to be better.

I will strive to have better relationships and be one dang good wife and someday mother. I love my family and I love the new family that I will have in two weeks. I love the boy that will soon be my husband and his willingness to put up with me and work long days to provide and take care of me.

 

God bless those families in CT. I’m truly grateful for the opportunity that those people, and all of us will have, to see our loved ones again someday.

 

Always smile,

A. almost Brent.