I’ve wanted to write this for quite some time.
But I hadn’t seen the light at the end of the tunnel and I wasn’t ready to write it.
Now is when I want to reflect on the past year. Everyone said, “Your first year of marriage is going to be the hardest.” And you know what? They were right. But I don’t think it was the hardest for the same reasons as they were referring to. Of course we were adjusting to living with each other and being husband and wife, but the hard part came when he left. I remember driving him to the airport and walking him inside. He had his plain black shirt on, freshly cut hair, jeans, tennis shoes, and a back pack full of all the things he’d need for the next four months. I hugged him hard and choked back all the tears inside me to show him what a strong woman he married. I remember him grabbing my face and telling me he’d call me as soon as he could to give me his address that would serve as our only form of communication for two months. I believed him. I then gave him a kiss and one last hug then turned around and walked away. I walked faster and faster without looking back. Tears began to fall as I pushed my hat down to cover the stream of salty tears falling from my eyes. My heart hurt in a way I didn’t recognize and my world seemed to be crashing down. My friend, Morgan, let me pick her up in Provo and kept me company as we drove back home to St. George. I couldn’t even say his name without losing it. About 7pm I got a phone call from him that went something like this:
“Hi Alexa. Here’s my address. Are you ready?”
“Yeah, I’m ready”
“Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah, did you get that?”
“Yeah I think so.”
“Okay, bye. I love you”
“I love you”
Then he hung up. He sounded like a heartless robot. He was reading a paper and wasn’t allowed to say anything else.
Two weeks went by before I got my first letter. I wrote Garret every day that he was gone. I didn’t miss a single day and often wrote two to three times. Our letters were everything. I’ll cherish and keep them forever.
Throughout those two months, I smiled and kept it together. I went to school, I worked, I went to the gym, etc. I did it all with a smile on my face and hope in my heart that the light would come and we would be together again. I had only been married 7-8 months before he left and it was without a doubt the hardest thing I had done. I was alone day in and day out missing my sweetheart relying on letters to carry me through. I lost weight instantly from stress and didn’t gain a single pound of it back until we were reunited in San Antonio, Texas at his BMT graduation. I shopped and bought a new outfit for every day that I would be in Texas with him. I got my hair done, eye lashes done, and nails done before I flew out to see him with my mom. Little did I know, San Antonio is SO hot and SO humid. My hair became a frizzzz ball, my eyelashes went crazy from the humidity, and well… at least my nails looked good. My clothes were damp from sweat though, yum right? But we locked eyes during the coin ceremony and I was crying the whole time while attempting to take pictures. He secretly smiled at me during the ceremony! (He could have been in SO much trouble if someone caught him smiling at me!) It was so cute. When they let me go out on the pad and get him, (I was only to give him a 3 second hug so he could maintain his military bearing) I grabbed him and held on tight and I think I went over my 3 second limit. I wasn’t counting and definitely didn’t care. Frizzy hair and all 🙂 He told me I looked like a model. It melted my heart and somehow made the days alone worth it. Blah blah blah mush…..
We were together again.
He was the most handsome, loving, sweet airman to ever graduate from there. I’m sure of it. I left a few days later and went back to being alone. This time we got to communicate and text when he wasn’t in class or busy. It wasn’t easy, in fact maybe even harder than writing love letters back and forth, but we made it. He came home the day before Thanksgiving and we are still soaking up every day that we get to spend with one another.
I couldn’t write this while I was in the midst of being alone, because I wasn’t ready to record my feelings down about it. I was fragile and sometimes still am about it. I hold this first year of marriage dear to my heart and remember what a strong woman I am and that I can do anything I tell myself I can.
Alexa Brent 