Number Six.

I should be studying.
But that’s the story of my life. I could study every single second of the day and still not be done studying. Why? Because that’s what girls like me do. We study because we have to keep our grades awesome if we want to keep our scholarships. And that’s the bottom line. But surprisingly, I still find time for fun. I dance and dance and dance which keeps me sane. I even spend time with my boyfriend, my best friend, my roommates, and my Kalamity teammates. My parents were right, the real world is hard and a big challenge, but I remember my older sister telling me that it would all be worth it and that it’s a good experience. And guess what? She was right too.
I’ve already grown miles since college but there is one important thing that I’ve learned: I can do hard things. Just like Brother King said. And another thing that goes along with that, every day can be a good day. I don’t care how tired I am, how stressed I am, how grumpy I am, or how crappy I feel, every day is good. Let’s face it. Being a working college student isn’t easy and it’s not that fun, but if you enjoy every class and actually put effort into enjoying your job, life is a pretty wonderful gift. Plus, while yes I am a working student but I’m also a teammate of the following girls: Tia, LaTisha, Becky, Erin B., Erin H., Shay, Cambria, Sami, Emily, Cherish, and Sam. The 12 of us are a part of a little thing that we like to call Kalamity. And that thing called Kalamity is the best thing to happen to me. I’ve said that before in a previous entry but it’s still such an understatement. It has a special place in my heart and I’m so grateful for it. Our show is in December and I couldn’t be more excited to raise money for Jeanette Bracken. I think that keeping her in  my thoughts constantly makes my days better. When I feel sorry for my stresses of that day, I think of that strong woman and my selfish thoughts go away. My problems are so small and insignificant. I think we could all work on being more selfless. Just like my mama Tia. She’s one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met. She takes care of us twelve girls like we’re her own children. Speaking of mothers…
Here it goes: I MISS MY MOM. I don’t even know what to say other than that. I miss her more than I’ve ever missed anyone before. And I hope if you’re reading this Mom, you know how much I love you. You’re absolutely beautiful and amazing and I hope you know what a wonderful mother you are to me, Nicole, and Mason. We couldn’t be luckier. I look forward to Sunday dinners at your house to spend time with you, Dad, and Mason. Thank you for everything that you do for me. I love love love love love you. And Dad, I don’t know if you read my blogs, but I sure miss you too. Don’t think I forgot about you. I miss someone teasing me about my retired tennis career. Goodness, I have a wonderful family. Including my sister and her hubby Sam.
I’m such a blessed girl and I can’t wait to see what the rest of this year has in store for me.

I love blogging and I miss writing. This felt so good. Have a wonderful night.

Always smile,

A.Ford

 

Number Five.

Cold cardboard boxes.

They were everywhere. The bare walls seemed to echo. This wasn’t supposed to feel like this. Packing up my room was meant to be an accomplishment. Breathe Alexa, breathe. Big girls move out, big girls go to college, and big girls do it with a smile. I was scared out of my mind and I didn’t want to admit it to anyone. I know what you’re thinking, she only moved 15 minutes away from home, why is she scared?But you have no idea. I’m a perfectionist. And yet again, I know what you’re thinking. Why is her blog called Imperfect? Truth is, this blog is about my life and my goal to accept imperfection. I’m not good at it and it brings forth stress in my mind. I don’t like the unknown and that’s what this new townhouse was going to be. That’s what college was going to be. Life before this was simply easy. I never did my own laundry, did the dishes, did chores, or anything like that. To be blunt, I didn’t know how to do any of those things. I was responsible to make my bed and keep my room and bathroom clean. That’s it. My world at home was comfortable. My mom did all my laundry, cooking, and cleaning around the house. A nice dinner is ready at about 6:30 ish every night at my house. I knew I was going to miss that. Want to know something else? I was really going to miss my little brother Mason. He’s not little anymore, but I still pretend he is. I love my brother and the friendship that we’ve built. Who was going to go get me an icee when I wanted one? And what about my mom? How was I going to survive without her? And even my dad. I love him. We spent all afternoon moving these cold bricks of cardboard in my townhouse together and today was the day I had to say goodbye. I was to be a big girl now and not call upon my parents for everything. I just needed to remember to breathe.

Now where am I? I’m sitting in townhouse #200 spending way too much time writing this because with my schedule, I don’t even have time to eat, let alone write. I wake up at 4:30 every morning to dance, go to school all day, then go to work or go dance some more. Im a stress case and crying is not uncommon. Not because I’m unhappy, I just get overwhelmed sometimes. So yep, I’m officially admitting to being imperfect. I cry, I stress out, I make mistakes, I snap at my boyfriend, I get grumpy with my best friend/roomie, I forget things, and I even get a few problems on my math homework wrong. A few things keep my tired body going each day though. I’m blessed with a wonderful family. I’m blessed with a healthy body. I’m blessed with a team called Kalamity in which I get to serve others and make a difference. I’m blessed with a supportive and understanding boyfriend. I’m blessed with
this little girl named Sami Maw that sleeps in the same room as me each night. I’m blessed to have the truth of the gospel. I’m blessed with my ability to breathe each day. And I’m never going to forget all these because at the end of the day, worldly things simply don’t matter.

Here’s to growing up and being imperfect every day of our lives.

Always smile,

A.Ford

Number Four.

Have you ever lost something?

Seems like such a simple question. Because obviously we’ve all lost our car keys, cell phones, wallets, homework, etc. But what about losing a person? A loved one? You can’t just go searching for them expecting to find them a few minutes or hours later. Because they’re physically gone off the earth for the time being. You’re probably wondering why I’d even bring this topic up because it’s a touchy, sensitive, and sad subject. But I’ve encountered so much loss lately, I can’t help but think about it and pull life lessons out of it. Over two weeks ago, my grandfather passed away from cancer. As a child, you always think that you get older, but your grandparents don’t. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I attended his beautiful funeral and felt at peace with him leaving. But in the pit of my stomach, the nightmare of the next weekend weighed me down. On the way to my grandfather’s funeral, my dad informed my brother and I that my cousin Scotty had been killed. His life had been taken by someone and I didn’t understand how that could be. I’m not going to go into details of how this person took Scotty from us, but I do know that losing two people in my life all at once seemed like too much to handle. Sitting here writing this, the two funerals seemed like such a blur of tears and heartache. The only thing I remember vividly was seeing all the family on my mom’s side at my grandpa’s funeral, and all the family on my dad’s side at Scotty’s funeral. It’s sad to say that funerals are the only times I remember all of us being together. I saw cousins that I hadn’t seen since I was a child and Aunts and Uncles that hardly recognized the grown-up woman that I’ve become. That’s when it hit me, funerals shouldn’t be the only time families come together. Not only funerals, but just loss in general. I want to call, spend time with, laugh with, and see my family and extended family as often as I possibly can. I don’t want to have to update them on the last ten years of my life, I want to update them on the past month or week of my life. This experience also caused me to reflect upon my life and how I live each day. It has helped me regain strength every day and find happiness in the little things. Echoing in my head are the words, “You never know when it will be your last 8 counts.” Tia always says that to Kalamity. Every move you make, it could honestly be your last. Those words get me through each dance and all the early morning and late night practices. I don’t ever want to stop dancing and serving others with my Kalamity family, but if my days of dancing ever come to an end due to an unhealthy body or special circumstance, I want to know that I gave every 8 count everything I had. Not only in dance, but in life. I want to know that I served all the people I possibly could have and lived happily each and every day. Scotty would want me to smile and dance every day because he loved to dance and he loved to smile. Who knew after all the loss and pain that has entered my life and my familes lives, that the Lord can still bless us with positivity and insight. This entry is becoming longer than I anticipated but I would like to end on a happy note. I hope everyone goes through this week with a smile on their face and a skip in their step because each day is a blessing and a beautiful present.

Always smile,

A. Ford

Number Three.

I’m sure many people don’t update their blogs because of lack of time or the lack of things to talk about. But that is definitely not my case. I’ve been wanting to write a million things, I just haven’t found the focus to my thoughts. My mind runs nearly 50 million miles a second and my thoughts are always random, so writing an entry becomes difficult. I’ll write a paragraph and delete it more times than I can count. BUT, I think I finally focused all my spastic and sporadic thoughts.
Two things come to mind lately. They are not related in anyway, but they’ve planted themselves in my brain every single day for weeks.

• Take risks with faith in the future.
• Thank those around you.

Life is scary. That pretty much sums it up right? Unfortunately, it keeps getting scarier from here on out. Those who know me, know I like security and routine. Everything in my life is scheduled and planned out. My planner holds my life to say the least and I can’t live one day without looking at it. I can’t pinpoint a time, but not that long ago, I woke up and realized that I need to take more risks and have faith. I tell people I have faith in the future. Little did I know that it’s easy to have faith in the future if you don’t take risks or make changes. Since that day, I’ve already taken steps toward a brighter path and I can’t wait to share everything when more of it unfolds. I hope others decide to take both of their feet off secure ground and see what happens. I encourage you to write down all that you want to accomplish and go after every single thing you put on those lines of paper.

The other thing on my mind, thanking the people that make my life worth living. Today I just feel lucky. I feel like I have been blessed with the most wonderful people even though I fall short in telling them that. I hope these people see this and realize how much I truly love them.
I think everyone should write something to those that they love and are forever indebted to because of the difference they have made in your life.

Family (Mom, Dad, Nicole, and Mason) I don’t think I could ever express my love for you guys. You are my rock and my foundation of the person that I am today. I think that I could be anywhere and still be happy as long as we’re all together. Mom, you’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known and I look up to you so much for that. You’ve been my comfort lately and my best friend. I hope we can always remain close because I can’t imagine life without a mother like you. Dad, you know I think you’re crazy and I don’t understand your obesession with all the things that you do, but I still love you. I can’t thank you enough for making me tough, strong, and a hard worker. You’ve taught me to fight and to always be the best that I can be. You know Dad, I hope we can always be friends because I’m a daddy’s girl for life. Nicole, I miss you. Those words don’t even suffice, because you are my other half to say the least. We’re pretty much the same person in two bodies. Not to mention I’m in the bigger body 🙂 Hahah but you are the cuter one. You know how much I look up to you and strive to be like you in every single way. You are hands down the most beautiful person that I’ve ever met. I call you in tears half my life and you never fail to stay calm and give me the best advice possible. I love you big little sister, forever and ever. And Mason, you know I think you’re a stud and that you’re wonderful even when I act like I want to kill you. You’ve grown up to be one amazing young man. I’m so proud of you and grateful for the relationship that we’ve built. When you see me upset, you always make sure that I’m okay and you ask if I need anything. You’re the best little brother a girl could ask for and I promise I’ll always be here for you and protect you, just like you’ve done for me.
Sami Maw Thank you. I could say that a million times and that wouldn’t do justice. You are the perfect friend. You leave any situation, any place, anything, just to make sure I’m okay. You’ve slept at my house for the past three weeks. I don’t know any other friends that would do that for me. You’re a sister to me Sami Maw, and I love you with everything that I have. I think the world of you and I hope you know how beautiful and special you are. We’re going to take on life together and help each other through all the big decisions coming up. Plus, we’ll have fun and laugh along the way okay?
Morgan Anderson You’re amazing. I’m so blessed to have you in my life as such a strength. When I think of you, I think of such a strong and talented girl. How I’m going to live without you while you’re at BYU is beyond me. I’ll be calling you almost every day to talk about all the deep stuff that we enjoy talking about. Plus, I’ll be coming up to watch you and I’ll even cheer for you and the rest of the BYU team. Just don’t tell my sister okay? You’ve been by my side throughout high school. I’ve told you this a million times but you know I only made it through high school because of you. You helped brighten all my days and helped me push myself to be better. You’re the ultimate example and friend. I love you Morgan.
Garret Brent This entry has been changed. It said something so different before this. We weren’t together when I wrote it, but now that we are… I’m happy to put other things in here. So I should probably start off by saying that I’m grateful to be your girlfriend. This past year has been pretty wonderful if you ask me. From you coming to state tennis, going to Kalamity show after Kalamity show, going to Derin and Lisa’s with me, and just all the time we’ve spent watching movies, I’ve loved every second of it. I have so much fun with you no matter the occasion. I’d still have to say that getting lost in Salt Lake with you was my absolute favorite. I wouldn’t even be mad if it happened again someday so we can laugh so hard until our bellies hurt. Those are always my favorite; those times we both laugh uncontrollably  together. And another thing, I know I need to thank you for supporting me in everything that I do. I don’t think there has been many, if any, Kalamity performances that you haven’t been to. I love that about you. I’m a lucky girl to have someone always at my side helping me every day. And yes, I know that I cry a million tears and I can create a flood in a matter of minutes, but you’re the sweetest guy in the world and put up with me.You’re my best friend and that’ll never change. I have no idea what the future has in store for us, but you should know…I love you Garret Brent, always.
Kalamity & Vault Family You’re the best thing to happen to me and that’s an understatement. It’s hard for me to put into words how much my life has changed because of everyone at that studio. Whether its my sisters and two brothers on Kalamity, the wonderful girls on Kaos, or all the other smiling faces at class next to me, EVERYONE has made a difference. It’s like walking into a piece of heaven or a home. I love it there and saying thank you isn’t nearly enough. Tia Stokes, you’ve created something amazing and you change lives with your talent and passion. This is the reason why I live happy. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you all for making my life beautiful.
That’s all my randomness collided and crammed into one blog entry. Smile today okay?

Number Two.

To put it simply, life can be hard.

Because life is hard, how can we make it easier, bearable, happier? I’ve thought about this question so many times in the past week and I think I’ve finally found something. It’s so small and seems so insignificant, but it’s made a difference in my life. Recently, I’ve lost something close to me and it’s forced me to look deep into myself to find happiness. A while back, I created this positivity journal. When I made it, I had no idea what a life saver it would be in the future. Every night before I went to sleep, I’d write the date, write the word positivity, then a sentence or two about something good that happened that day, or something good in my life, something that I was grateful for, or just anything that was 100% uplifting. I did it every single night without fail. But of course when your life is going as planned, you’re the happiest you’ve ever been, you have amazing friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc., OF COURSE its going to be easy to find positive things in every day. So now… here I am, things haven’t gone as planned, I don’t find myself smiling every waking moment (because I really normally do), I’ve found that some friends aren’t really necessary in my life, I don’t have a boyfriend, etc. Now, it seems to be difficult to find something to write about every night. I haven’t put anything in my positivity journal in a little over a month. Last week, I finally opened it back up. I read through many of them, and I made a committment to write in it every night again. I told myself that no matter what, I’m going to find happiness in everything. That little journal in itself, has saved my life. It’s forced me to look at the important things in my life. It’s forced me to cling to my family, my friends, my Heavenly Father, dance/Kalamity, quotes, tennis, and everything good in my life. Now here I am, grateful and at peace with all the beautiful blessings in my life. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing about this, but I guess I’m doing it so that you’ll do the same. You’ll create a positivity journal aside from your regular journal, and that you’ll write in it every night. I think such small and seemingly insignificant things, make significant differences in our lives. As a nation, we could all be more grateful and give more attention to the wonderful people and things around us.
I’m going to post my one positive thing today on here as well.
July 3, 2011 Positivity: I am grateful for my healthly body that some do not have. I’m grateful to be alive and the ability to breathe fresh air every single day.
Go try your own.

Number One.

This is my first entry. I’m just going to talk a little bit about where I come from, and how I got to be where and who I am today. Because some people probably have no idea.

My name is Alexa. This may shock the people close to me, but I prefer to be called Alexa, not Lexa. And only Lex if you’re really close to me. But we all know, I’ll answer to anything 🙂 I grew up in Colorado until I moved to Utah in the 8th grade. Moving here, was the best thing to happen to me by far. I danced through elementary school until I decided to play sports in middle school. When high school rolled around, I singled out the sport of tennis and played it all four years. In my junior year, I started dancing for and still do (forever will) a team named Kalamity. This team has changed my life to say the least. If you want to know more about Kalamity, visit their blog! (http://www.kalamitydance.blogspot.com/). Anyways… now that I’ve graduated, I play a little tennis here and there, but I mostly just dance. I take school seriously and I LOVE to learn. Besides the fact that I want to become a sign language interpreter, I just want to be a professional student and learn for the rest of my life. I read books and articles on everything random that you can think of. I’m full of lots of useless (according to my friends) knowledge. I sketch and draw occasionally as well. I’m not the kind of girl with a million friends and I’m really happy that way. I have a wonderful family and a really amazing best friend Sami Maw. My dating life is non existent right now and I’m perfectly content with it. Garret and I just broke up, but I’m sure you’ll still hear me refer to him in upcoming posts because he’s been the biggest influence in my life as of lately. And I hope if he read this, he knows how much I love him and care about him. I’m a very simple girl and I just like to be happy. I always know what I stand for and I know who I am. Life would be too complicated if I didn’t know where I stand in all things. I don’t have a whole lot left to say in introducing myself  because I’ll let the experience and thoughts that I have to share speak for themselves.

Always smile,

A.Ford